A Series of Letters
by WallofCardboard
Summary: Due to behavior problems that have recently arisen among the smashers. Our favorite disembodied left hand created a system in which a smasher may write a letter to any other smasher and say whatever they want. However, what WILL the smasher's say? Who will they write to? That can be decided by YOU, I obviously decide what they say (the rating is uncertain at the moment)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, Cardboard here, and kinda stoked about my first fanfic. I hope you read and review, tell what I did right and what I need to improve on, keep it positive please guys.**

**Disclaimer: This is pretty obvious guys...**

**A Series of Letters**

_Dear Smashers,_

_I, your host and organizer Master Hand, have noticed some behavioral and attitude problems amongst your number. However, I believe that this is due to high tension between you and your fellow combatants, so I decided to create this letter system, you will be able to write a letter to any other smasher of your choosing and say whatever you want. I may or may not show that letter to the desired recipient. Please use this system as a means of getting whatever ill thoughts plague you out of your system. I also warn you not to try and find out what other smashers have written in their letters, such attempts will be punished. I hope this system will help solve the many behavioral issues around the mansion, you are of course encouraged to take out any stress on opponents during a fight, but you may use this system for more personal or begrudging matters. Remember, my goal is to give you the best environment to train, live, and compete in possible._

_Sincerely,_

_Master Hand_

Dear Precious

HIYAH guys, Crazy here, so my little bro (ssshhhhhh) started some little postage service or something. I just watched the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, LOOOOOOOOOOVED it! Gollum was my favorite character of all time. I was in a good mood, so being the great, kind, and wonderful hand I am I decided to kidnap a mailman for my bro's new mail service

Then, instead of being APPRECIATIVE, my little bro started YELLING AT ME! I couldn't believe his audacity, he said something like "This is not a postal service yadda yadda yadda I'm not a hand I'm a big smelly **** **** pig ***** forked tongued **** with Oprah **** **** **** spooned tongue ***** **** **** with SOUP" (Yes, he actually said that about himself, do I ever lie?) Let me ask you something, WHAT KIND OF MAIL DOESN'T NEED A MAILMAN!? THAT'S RIGHT! NONE! I lose faith in the proud race of dismembered human body parts sometimes

From

THE AWESOME MAGNIFICENT ALL-POWERFUL BEAUTIFUL SEXY WISE PERFECT AND GODLY CRAZY HAND!

P.S Buy me cookies

**So there you have it, my first fanfic, I read a lot on this website before, and only recently decided to create an account. I will update this fic daily, though I encourage you to request/suggest which smasher should send a letter to which smasher. I know I didn't give you guys much this first chapter, but I plan to go on with this for as long as possible**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I'm not sure why we need this since the name of the site is fanfiction... but I don't own anything... yet... hehehehe**

Dear Marth

Well, I know there's a chance that Master Hand won't give this to you, but I just had to know the answer to this question and well, I was too nervous to ask any of the grown ups, and most of the other kids didn't know (Ness started laughing... a lot). So I just had to put it out on here

Are you a girl?

Please please please please please please please please PLEASE don't be mad at me. I mean, it's really confusing because you sorta look like one of those girls with shorter haircuts (Sonic said the word was tomboys... why tom?) but at the same time you don't have the same form like Zelda. And then I don't speak japanese so I can't tell what you're saying in a brawl, and your cries are KINDA high pitch (PLEASE don't be mad at me) I mean I kinda think you're a boy, but at the same time I think you're a girl too. I tried asking people how to tell the difference for sure, Ganondorf almost told me, but then Peach dragged him away by the ear (Which looked like it hurt) and yelled at him about innocence. I also kinda bet that you were a girl when Popo created a bet about what are you with some of the other kids, (Please don't be mad at us) most of them agreed with me. Toony asked Ike if you were a boy, and Ike broke down and wouldn't stop laughing for twenty minutes. Nana asked Wolf and he said that you were the biggest girly-girl he had ever seen (I thought it was pretty mean but most of us are scared of him). I'm mostly kinda positively somewhat sure that you're a boy (I heard Pit say to Samus that you were both... is that possible?) I know I'm kinda going on about this and this might be a long paragraph for you to read, but if you do this, pleeeeeeaaaase don't be mad?

From,

Lucas

P.S I bet fifteen smash coins

** Whew, you know, it's much harder than I thought it was to come up with the topics of the letters, I know I did a very bad Lucas right there, I'm trying to work on the character's voices. Anyways, I really appreciate the suggestions and the reviews. It makes me feel much better knowing that you guys are reading this, and no, I will never hold this story hostage for reviews. As always, suggest which smashers are next in the reviews section, and I will update tomorrow!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, there, I said it the right way (not)**

_ Dear Sonic,_

_Ok, I'm going to get right to it... umm, well I guess I'm not good at making a point, but I'll give it a try._

_ Why is it that you and my brother are great friends one day and bitter rivals the next? I know that you guys were in the olympics together (I was there too) and that you guys... well, I don't think there's anything else but you get what I mean. I asked Mario about this, and he gives me two different answers based on the relationship between you too on that current day. So if it was a good day it was one, and a bad day, well, you know what I mean. I actually didn't realize this until I forgot his answer and asked him again and realized that he gave me a new answer. I'm rambling aren't I? Why did I ask you that question? Or that one? Or even that one?_

_ Mamma mia_

_ So when I asked him on a good day, he said that it's because that you two were both heroes of unlikely origin who arose to fight a great evil. When I asked him on a bad day, he said that you were a dirty upstart who was trying to cash in on his glory. He went on to talk about how it was between you and him for a long time, and everyone was arguing about who would win it out. He says that he did, but on other days, he said that it was well fought. _

_ I guess the question that I've been trying to ask you is: What's your story? I didn't want to ask you in person because that might come across as rude or nosy, and we were never really great friends, just acquaintances, and I guess this letter system gave me a chance to do that. _

_ I guess this is the end of my letter now, You can stop reading now?_

_ From,_

_ Luigi_

* * *

Dear Pokemon Trainer

Alright, first of all: What's with the name? I mean come ON! You expect us all to call you Pokemon Trainer? I don't want to waste so much breath talking to a string bean like you. Secondly, why do you have your little monster things fight the battles? Why can't you fight? To scared? (Well, if you're fighting me, that's understandable) My butt still itches from when that little green thing got pollen all in my clothes, then somehow ended up in my pants (and no, it was not because I didn't wash them, it's because of YOU)

However, most importantly, I heard that in your world, when you beat another trainer in a little battle, you win MONEY! SIGN ME UP! Do you know how badly I'd love some extra money? Where can I get a pokemon? Can you give me one of yours? I want the big red one, cus' it's the most bad*** one you have (You're blue one is kinda pathetic). You better give me a pokemon, and not some lame one, one of the biggies, that will earn you lots of money!

Please? See! I asked nicely, you have to give it to me now!

From,

Wario the Great and Amazing

**Alright guys, don't kill me, I know I missed a day yesterday, so to make it up to you guys, this is a double header, I am really loving the requests, do not worry, I will get to them all. And now to answer some questions, a certain reviewer asked about the characters they could request, which is a great question. For now, I would like to keep this to the current smashers, after around, say the tenth chapter I'll do letters from ex-smashers, however, I will be keeping this story to smashers. With that said, that pretty much wraps everything up! I will see you tomorrow**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

_Dear Link,_

_No, don't get your hopes up, this isn't for you, I know the Hand is reading this so this is for him._

_Alright Hand, I have a complaint to file against you, it regards the roster of the current tournament and a distinctive problem I have noticed._

_There are barely any villains in the roster. That fact disturbs me, wouldn't adding some evil into the mix spice up the competitions? The addition of Villains would add such a high amount of intensity to brawls, so why are there so very few? There's only about two of us._

_I know what you're thinking as you read that last paragraph, you can probably name more than two "villains" currently attending the tournament._

_You'll probably think of Bowser, no, the lizard's brain is smaller than a Picori's and his only goal is to capture a princess. However, it's made even worse when you find out that his greatest enemy is a fat Italian plumber who has a talent for jumping, that's just pathetic!_

_No, Donkey Kong is not, nor ever was a villain._

_King DeDeDe doesn't even think of himself as a villain, his motives are never full of malice or sadism, and he doesn't look the least bit intimidating._

_Same goes for Meta Knight._

_Do not get me started on the fat, gas-filled, ill-mannered, hideous, tub of LARD known as Wario._

_Wolf, now that's a villain right there! He's savage, looks intimidating, eager for bloodshed, and has his moral compass skewed in the opposite direction. Why in Din's name can't you find more guys like him? _

_Are you scared that too many villains will imbalance things? Well, you're a god-like disembodied human body part, what could you be possibly have to fear from anyone sans Tabuu and I? The former happens to be destroyed. _

_I want you to really think about what I said in this letter, and I want you, when you pick out fighters for your next tournament, remember my words. I mean no harm, I just need more of my kind so to speak (or as close as you can get to my kind)_

_Sincerely_

_Ganondorf, King of Evil_

* * *

**Alright, that wraps up that letter, as you guys can probably tell, this was not a requested character, I just had this idea in my head for a while now and decided to write it down. Tomorrow however, will be a requested topic, so, keep requesting, keep reviewing, and most of all, keep reading. WallofCardboard signing out.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Dear Mr. Game & Watch,

Can I just call you Mr.? I don't want to sound rude or anything but Game and Watch is kinda a mouthful and for some reason I don't like referring to you as Game. Plus, you're older than me so I figured Mr. is respectful. Well, anyway, I was just wandering around the mansion yesterday, just thinking. Do you do that? I do it all the time, but that's besides the point. I was thinking about how you're, well, flat, and that brought me to a series of questions I couldn't wrap my head around.

I'm just being curious hear, if any of this comes off as offensive or anything, I don't mean it.

My first question, since everything is flat in your world, how do you see each other? If you're flat, then you have no width at all, and since you walk forwards, I am just wondering how you see other people in your world. I just finished eighth grade in my world, and I learned a ton of stuff in geometry and science, so that's where this is coming from in case you're wondering.

Alright, second question, how do you hold non-2D objects? Since you're hand is so infinitely thin, you should just about slice through everything you can touch (Which makes your hand sharper than Marth's sword). Either that, or you have to have an insane amount of strength due to your proportions. Do objects just become flat when you grab them? I think that's the theory that made the most sense to me.

This is my final question, sorry if I was bugging you with this at all, how do you move? Do your limbs pass through each other since you're completely 2D? Or do you literally just have a bunch of "poses" that you cycle through. Take walking for example, do your legs pass through eachother? or do you always walk with one foot always in front and the other always in the back? Or do you kinda do a little instant teleportation thing where you change footing?

Well, if you get this letter, it would really mean a lot to me if you gave me your insight (my attempts at deciphering the answers have so far melted my mind). And please don't let this come off as rude or anything, I'm just a curious kid, eager to learn. And hey, being flat looks kinda fun!

Signed,

Ness

**So, this was a requested sender/receiver, and I quite liked the two and thought about what sort of things Ness would try to come up with answers to. I see him as sort of a kid who is in the process of mentally maturing, he's incredibly curious, yet not as blatant or undisciplined. Anyway, as most of you can tell, I never played the Earthbound series (I wish they made a new one for WiiU) and I do not know Ness' age and sorta guessed. So, that's all for today's (Well, techinacally yesterday's since it's 12:30) update, WallofCardboard, out.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, except for the things I own, but not these things**

_Dear Mario_

_Alright, so I was in the library yesterday, reading up on some of the adventures in other smashers' past. I admit it, I was looking for anything I could use in a brawl (Next Tuesday, I will kick your ass!) and I happened to stumble upon one of the more thick and worn out books. The tome was simply titled: The Adventures of Super Mario, so of course I began to study it._

_So as I was looking through it I was scanning the pages intently, looking for potential weaknesses, and formulating tactics. In short, there wasn't much I could find, but as I was around page 786 (out of 2000) I realized your biggest weakness._

_You're just a human._

_You're not a Hylian wielding a variety of weapons and magic, you're not an all-powerful Gerudo, you don't command strange little creatures, and you're biggest enemy is practically a dragon. Hell, you're not even a heroic angel who also wields magic and a variety of weapons. _

_In fact, you and your brother are both just plain ol' humans (ie, the oblivious mortals I always save) and you go up against Bowser. I read about magical items you pick up, yes, you can through fireballs, and can fly in some cases, but your best power is short term invincibility. _

_How do you do it? I know for a fact that most of the other smashers in their own adventures receive new tools along the way. I don't know what I would do if I was supposed to bring down some bosses with only my wings and bow. I'm pretty sure that Link, and even Samus would agree on that statement (except you guys are completely different from each other)._

_Also, you're best ability is jumping, and yet you are given that one tool at the start of your journey and you say "I can work with that" then you go save the Mushroom Kingdom! Even when one to three hits from _**_anything _**_would take you out! You're even kinda pudgy (sorry, but lay off the carbs, start with pasta). _

_You know, and even you're demeanor, you're always happy, nice to everyone (You even have regular poker games with Ganondorf and Bowser) I never see you lose your temper, judge anyone, or fight for the wrong side. I just hope you know that I really admire you, and I'm sure everyone else feels the same, and for a human, that's not half bad._

_Sincerely,_

_Pit_

_P.S. I'll still kick your ass_

**Alright, that wraps up letter number six, I have to admit, I was a little confused as to what the topic should be, then I was reading some other fanfiction and I realized how much of a hero Mario is. But anyway, as always, read, review, and request!**


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